my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
