ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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