she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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