i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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