i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
