Her vagina should come with caution tape.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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