where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
