JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
