My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
