it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
