In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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