At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
