like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
