her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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