Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
