My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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