I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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