If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
a search helicopter?!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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