third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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