is your mom at the bar?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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