The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
