if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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