The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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