tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
