She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
