Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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