I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
