her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
