i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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