You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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