if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
