Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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