just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
