She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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