Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
