I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
