but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
