Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
