Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
