so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
