Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
