plz talk dirty to me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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