HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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