my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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