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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
