Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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