rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
