and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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