I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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