In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
