I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it glows. i had to have it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
